Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
