Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
