just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
