just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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