I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
