I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
