i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
