when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize