gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
