took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
