Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
