He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need a beard to bite.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The adults are the big ones right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
