Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
