You made me cry and you don't even care
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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