I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
