Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
