I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
