TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
