I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
