My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
