Dude my mom stole all your condoms
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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