oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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