he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
