May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
