I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
