my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
