I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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