and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
