Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
