I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
