i can't believe i had my finger in that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
