That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
