Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
