You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she smelled like a LAN party
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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