I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize