I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
