So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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