even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
