Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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