i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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