Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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