The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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