dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
