Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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