I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
