Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
