did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
