having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
