Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
