didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
