if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
