Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
