my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
