Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
