I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
