so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
