Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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