Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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