I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
