I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize