i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
