By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
