My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
