I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to be your penis for a week.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
