I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
and you fell through a lawn chair
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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