I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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