worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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