if i can run in heels then i can drive
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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