so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
