Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Randomize