Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
