We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
