Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
