I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
