I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
