haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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