Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
