So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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