I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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