i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
