i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
