dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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