I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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