So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
