You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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