pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
