broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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