He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
