a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
