i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
