god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
