I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
