I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
