If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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