just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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