I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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