my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
