Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
