it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize