my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
