If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
