Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
