I accidentally had phone sex last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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