people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
