He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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