Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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