from now on my penis is your penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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