Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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