I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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