Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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