Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
