the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
