There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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