I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
