Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
