We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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