this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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